It was a beautiful phone call, the most innocent and perfect phone call I ever made. I said, look, give me a break, all I want you to do is pay by check so I can write it off as a business expense. There's nothing wrong with saying, well, you know, after we looked at paying by cash, we wouldn't be able to claim it on my taxes, there's nothing wrong with saying, I just needed a tax write off for paying off my former mistress.

At&T, Sprint, Consumer Cellular, Spectrum, they have all been calling me, begging me to make a phone call with them because my calls are always beautiful.

Some of them, when they beg me to make a call for them, they are literally crying into the phone. I can feel their tears through my end of the phone.