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Thread: the golfer

  1. #1
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    the golfer

    After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.

    He looked at his caddie and said, "I've played so badly all day, I think I'm going to drown myself in that lake."

    The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, "I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long."
    "The only thing that we learn from torture is the depths of our own moral depravity"

  2. #2
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    Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

    The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.

    “Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied.

    It was obvious that he was in agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.

    The female golfer/therapist urged him to let him help him, so at her persistence, he finally allowed her to help.

    She gently took his hands away and laid them to his side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage to his privates for several long moments and then asked, “How does that feel”?

    He replied, “That feels great, but my thumb still hurts like Hell!”
    ...Ben
    The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...

  3. #3
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    My brother took up golf to make business connections. I took a High School class in it, thinking I'd like golf. It didn't work.

    I'm not anti-sport. I just don't find most of them interesting. If others get enjoyment out of 'em, that's fine with me.

    Hunter
    I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. - Creep by Radiohead

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by UTAH View Post
    My brother took up golf to make business connections. I took a High School class in it, thinking I'd like golf. It didn't work.

    I'm not anti-sport. I just don't find most of them interesting. If others get enjoyment out of 'em, that's fine with me.

    Hunter
    I'd have to agree with you. The only thing that has kept my interests over the years (been doing it for over 50) is Fly Fishing. organized sports, nope. Golf? I was good at it (12 handicap) but the slow pace of the folks on the course drove me up a wall. I look at Fly Fishing more as an Art than a sport and I love the solitude.
    "The only thing that we learn from torture is the depths of our own moral depravity"

  5. #5
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    My brother took up golf to make business connections.
    I had the same thought but I was too busy working and never had the time to learn
    "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” ---Sir Winston Churchill
    "Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: an excessively simple diagnosis of the world's ills, and a conviction that there are identifiable villains back of it all." ---John W. Gardner
    “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ---C. S. Lewis

  6. #6
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    Was “forced” to play golf twice by a golfer boss.. just didn’t enjoy it.. s isn’t mark Twain call golf “a nice walk spoiled”?


  7. #7
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    "The only thing that we learn from torture is the depths of our own moral depravity"

  8. #8
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    Man, I like where this thread went.

    And, Robin Williams's life is the story of an extraordinarily successful and skilled man who hung himself - which is beyond my grasp (though I know why he did it).

    Personally, (yeah, I say it too much) I think golf may soon be at death's door with the drought in the West. Suddenly, everyone is realizing how much water it takes to maintain a golf course. I think we'll lose many of them in CA, UT, AZ, NV, and NM within 10 years.

    Hunter
    I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. - Creep by Radiohead

  9. #9
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    Most here in AZ are recycled water.

    I guess I should take up golf if the story out of Texas and strippers is true.
    Fred

    "Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've
    stayed alive."

    'Take care of yourself, and each other.'

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by UTAH View Post
    Man, I like where this thread went.

    And, Robin Williams's life is the story of an extraordinarily successful and skilled man who hung himself - which is beyond my grasp (though I know why he did it).

    Personally, (yeah, I say it too much) I think golf may soon be at death's door with the drought in the West. Suddenly, everyone is realizing how much water it takes to maintain a golf course. I think we'll lose many of them in CA, UT, AZ, NV, and NM within 10 years.

    Hunter
    astro turf golf courses
    "The only thing that we learn from torture is the depths of our own moral depravity"

  11. #11
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    Topgolf is as close as I've ever got to a club in the last 10 years. I strained my back and fell down once attempting to swing. But, if you want to go somewhere and get drunk like all the people around me were and act like a fool it's a good place to go.
    OPINION....a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

  12. #12
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    Ahhh... how I understand why there's a Top Golf right next to the Las Vegas Strip.

    And, Astro Turf? Yes. Heck, they use it on mini-Golf courses. Why not the real thing?

    Hunter
    I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. - Creep by Radiohead

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