Another shameless theft...

[Truckman]

From an unnamed site somewhere in the vast ethernet...

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso
- Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Pointer + Setter
- Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
- Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
- Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
- Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound
- Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier:
- Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries

Terrier + Bulldog
- Terribull - not a good breed

Bloodhound + Labrador
- Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer
- Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute
- Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier
- Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Bull Terrier + ShihTzu
- Take a guess...

...Ben

[Honda]

We have Yorkie Dachshund mixes and we call them dorkies. I like many of those on that list it's pretty funny.

[Flaco]

my friend has a chihuahua whippet mix....i call it a chihua-pet. it is a very odd dog, but friendly, and no before you ask, it does not have green hair. it does, however, have a dinosaur costume.

[Truckman]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long
as you live!"
That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

I suppose they don't tip wherever genies come from......Ben

[Flaco]

I suppose they don't tip wherever genies come from......Ben

keep up the jokes, you will soon walk up to a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. that's the punch line.

[Sandman]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees asign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.'
He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so...I told the CIA.In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’
'Because he's a Bull****ter. He's never been out of the yard!

[UTAH]

I liked it.

Hunter

[Flaco]

i can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

[Flaco]

when i was a kid, i was told i could be anyone i wanted to be. turns out, identity theft is a crime.

i never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when i got home, all the signs were there.

[Truckman]

We are still battling COVID-19 but the next thing is here already. Virologists have identified a new Nile virus - type C. It appears to target those who were born between 1930 & 1970.

Symptoms:
1.
Sending the same email twice.
2.
Sending a blank email.
3.
Sending a message to the wrong person.
4.
Sending it back to the person who sent it to you.
5.
Forgetting to attach the attachment.
6.
Hitting SEND before you've finished.
7.
Hitting DELETE instead of SEND.
8.
Hitting SEND when you should hit DELETE.

That is why it is called the C-NILE virus.

If you cannot admit to doing the above, you have obviously caught the
mutated strain — the D-NILE virus.

...Ben

[Dave Grubb]

I ain't sayin nuttin

[Mike]

Also stolen:

"I found a rattlesnake skin in our barn today. I'll bet it was from Nancy Pelosi's last facial."

[Honda]

Also stolen:

"I found a rattlesnake skin in our barn today. I'll bet it was from Nancy Pelosi's last facial."

Never ever insult a rattlesnake like that again!!

[Truckman]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

...Ben

[UTAH]

I like snakes - really.

All we have around here are garden snakes. When out in my cul-de-sac, I've seen neighbors pounding them into a paste with shovels. Just like birds, these snakes eat insects in our yards. It bugs me (no pun intended) my neighbors are killing a useful critter.

Hunter