Another shameless theft...

[Truckman]

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Steve, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a pliers from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, “21 feet," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and have been elected to Congress.

...Ben

[Dave Grubb]

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and have been elected to Congress.

That's because they weren't really engineers they were lawyers wishing they were engineers.

[Flaco]

...Ben

ooph!!

[Phillbo]

Funny about the redhead... When Nurse Paula goes away for a few days she always calls to let me know she is heading home/ My reply is always "Thanks, I'll kick out the redhead" which means I'll get busy cleaning the house

[Truckman]

• "He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr

• "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill

• "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

• "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

• "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas

• "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain

• "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." Oscar Wilde

• "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

• "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.. if there is one." Winston Churchill, in response

• "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop

• "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright

• "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

• "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

• "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

• "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." Forrest Tucker

• "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" Mark Twain

• "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West

• "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde

• "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

• "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder

• "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it." Groucho Marx

...Ben

[Truckman]

Plus a favorite recalled from my seemingly ongoing childhood:

"That boy's got a mind like a steel trap...Rusted shut and no bait."...Foghorn Leghorn

...Ben

[Sandman]

“ The warrant officer was unimpressed by everything and never spoke at all unless it was to show irritation. ”.. Joseph Heller, Catch 22..

I’ve worked for several people that fit this description.. love the “wordsmithing”

[Dave Grubb]

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

I was lucky enough to share my youth with a few---and their memories still bring a smile to my face

Ironically, I was recently thinking of a past friend who I saw at her brother's funeral about 6 months ago. We helped each other through puberty but we are better now

• "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

Lord knows we have had a few of them here abouts