Now you are sounding like my wife
Charter Member
Now you are sounding like my wife
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” ---Sir Winston Churchill
"Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: an excessively simple diagnosis of the world's ills, and a conviction that there are identifiable villains back of it all." ---John W. Gardner
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ---C. S. Lewis
Charter Member
ha!! thats the best joke in this thread so far!!Originally Posted by Dave Grubb
Now you are sounding like my wife
it's time to change the air in my head
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Man suspects his wife is losing her hearing, so he sneaks up 20 ft behind her and says, "can you hear me now?"
No response. Moves up to 15 ft. "Can you hear me now?"
No response. Moves up to 10 ft. "Can you hear me now?"
No response. Moves up to 5 ft. "Can you hear me now?"
Response - "For the fourth time, YES."...Ben
The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...
Charter Member
Yea----but for the first three she was whisperingResponse - "For the fourth time, YES."
My wife does that all the time
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” ---Sir Winston Churchill
"Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: an excessively simple diagnosis of the world's ills, and a conviction that there are identifiable villains back of it all." ---John W. Gardner
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ---C. S. Lewis
Charter Member
Bunch of good ones!!
This is your mind on drugs!
Charter Member
a man was very distraught at the fact that he had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
he was afraid he might have something wrong, so he decided to seek the medical expertise. he went see dr. chang, the well-known chinese doctor.
when he entered the examination room, dr. chang said, "take off all you crose."
he did as he was told.
"get down and craw reery, reery fassht to odder side of room."
the man did as he was instructed. dr. chang then said, "now craw reery, reery fassht back to me."
so he did.
dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. vewy vewy bad. you haf ed zachary disease. worse case i ever see. dat why you not haf sex or dates."
concerned, the man said anxiously, "oh my god, dr. chang, what is ed zachary disease?!? is there a cure??"
dr. chang looked the man in the eye and replied, "no, ed zachary disease is when your face rook ed zachary rike your ass. no cure in world."
it's time to change the air in my head
Registered Member
That explains my lack of success in the dating world...ed zachary disease is when your face rook ed zachary rike your ass. no cure in world."
...Ben
The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...
Registered Member
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. [Editor's note: When the doc says you have diabetes your taste may change somewhat...]
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your truck for your OWN truck.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is.
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...
Charter Member
"You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup."
- Ben
Consider it nailed.
Hunter
I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. - Creep by Radiohead
Registered Member
He forgot the Tony's. I can live without all the rest of them if I have Tony's.
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible - Arthur C. Clarke
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Don't forget slap yo mama
OPINION....a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
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If I don't get Louisiana Red on my eggs in the morning, I might as well have stayed in bed because the rest of the day is gonna suck......Ben
The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...
Charter Member
I'm the same way with Tabasco---in fact, the primary reason for eggs is to transport the Tabasco and my dry hot pepper blend to my mouth
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” ---Sir Winston Churchill
"Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: an excessively simple diagnosis of the world's ills, and a conviction that there are identifiable villains back of it all." ---John W. Gardner
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ---C. S. Lewis
Registered Member
To my Texas trained tongue, Tabasco has a slight metallic taste which I do not like...I actually prefer Trappey's Red Devil, but I buy Louisiana Brand because although it's only slightly inferior to Trappey's, it's also available in quart bottles at HEB at a considerable savings over the little bottles...Yes I know - I'm cheap...I'm the same way with Tabasco---in fact, the primary reason for eggs is to transport the Tabasco and my dry hot pepper blend to my mouth
Unfortunately the few times I'm able to dine somewhere other than my own house at a restaurant the only thing on the table is Tabasco...So I make do......Ben
The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...
Charter Member
Most restaurant sauces, if not Tabasco, are wimpy to my taste. I do also use Cholula at home---not as hot but also not heavy on the vinegar side.
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” ---Sir Winston Churchill
"Political extremism involves two prime ingredients: an excessively simple diagnosis of the world's ills, and a conviction that there are identifiable villains back of it all." ---John W. Gardner
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ---C. S. Lewis
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