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Thread: Ordering a Pizza in 2021

  1. #1
    Join Date
    08-05-05
    Location
    Deep inside the Central Scrutinizer.
    Posts
    21,024

    Ordering a Pizza in 2021

    CALLER:

    Is this Gordon's Pizza?



    GOOGLE:
    No sir, it's Google Pizza.



    CALLER:
    I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.



    GOOGLE:
    No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.



    CALLER:
    OK. I would like to order a pizza.



    GOOGLE:
    Do you want your usual, sir?



    CALLER:

    My usual? You know me?



    GOOGLE:

    According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.



    CALLER:
    OK! That’s what I want ...



    GOOGLE:

    May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?



    CALLER:
    What? I detest vegetable!



    GOOGLE:
    Your cholesterol is not good, sir.



    CALLER:
    How the hell do you know!



    GOOGLE:

    Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.



    CALLER:

    Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.



    GOOGLE:

    Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.



    CALLER:
    I bought more from another drugstore.



    GOOGLE:
    That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.



    I paid in cash.



    GOOGLE:
    But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.



    CALLER:
    I have other sources of cash.



    GOOGLE:

    That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.



    CALLER:
    WHAT THE HELL!



    GOOGLE:
    I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.



    CALLER:

    Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.



    GOOGLE:
    I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    03-11-03
    Posts
    310
    Part of me wants to laugh at that, part of me realizes how close to truth it is.
    When you've never seen the elephant, it's really
    easy to imagine yourself swingin' it by the tail

  3. #3
    Join Date
    11-22-03
    Location
    In the Village...
    Posts
    43,955
    Quote Originally Posted by Phillbo View Post
    GOOGLE:
    I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
    ME:

    That reminds me, I'd better check mine...

    ALEXA:

    Your passport was renewed last summer in anticipation of Phillbo's crushing defeat at the polls and his questions concerning where the campaign funds were spent...Shall I check for direct flights now to Queen Beatrix International Airport in Aruba?...

    ...Ben
    The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    11-22-03
    Location
    In the Village...
    Posts
    43,955
    Good to see you posting again, Roland......Ben
    The future is forged on the anvil of history...The interpreter of history wields the hammer... - Unknown author...

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