Excuse me while I whine

[Dave Grubb]

We have four grandchildren ranging from soon to be 15---and down in two year increments.

All are uber involved in sports and music. The oldest girl (15) plays in two bands, in one the piano, the second violin, plays softball on a travel team and volunteers at the local nursing home, and maintains a 3.8 GPA. It goes on all the way down to the soon to be nine year old---who plays soccer both spring and fall.

Their parents are divorced and have equal and shared custody. My wife goes to Md every other week and stays with them----and provides cab service to all these activities. I usually check in with her between 7 and 8 in the evenings---she most often is at someone's practice or running between practices. That is further exasperated by the fact that our son and his "girl friend" don't get home from work until about 7.

This week she is hoping to bring the kids up here for part of the week and mwhen I get home we are planning on taking them to the Mennonite Information Center to learn more about their heritage and to the Henry Antes house for the annual reenactment days. This has particular interest to us since my parents were much involved in the purchase and protection of this property and our family homestead, which predates the Antes house, is less than a mile away. Without a doubt, my family would have known Henry Antes.

Now we find that might not be possible---the 11 year old girl might have try outs for the fall softball travel team

Now the whine begins---I think, all of what I consider uber involvement is detrimental to the family unit. They seldom eat together, these sports and school activities are disrespectful of church---and in fact often take place on Sunday mornings Skip a practice or game---think again---the coaches will make examples of them by not allowing them to play or even tossing them from the team---and for parent or guardian---shut your mouth or the same will happen to the child.

I recall taking the now 11 year old to a 5 PM on Friday practice---which she had to be there or not be able to participate in the meet on Saturday

This meets the definition of insanity---and I believe detrimental to the family----but try saying no to any of them---they think this is the way it is supposed to be!

[Phillbo]

My Daughter and her family are the opposite. They have to do EVERYTHING as a family unit.

[Dave Grubb]

I don't think either "extreme" is healthy

[CactusCurt]

Boy do I have opinions on this one. But I will have to think about where to even start.

I haul my youngest off to college next week and like that the nest is empty.

I will point out that your whine is about first world issues.

[CactusCurt]

I will share some stream of consciousness thoughts about this because I am living it although we are nearing the end.

My comment here is specific to the achievement driven lifestyle we put our kids thru in school. I can't comment on the dynamics of anyone elses family than mine.

I guess for us it starts with the end - college admissions and the requisite resume. My wife and I are both college graduates so we knew what the end result needed to be. From what I hear you say, I would suspect your grandkids are not first generation college students. When it comes to understanding what it takes to prepare for a successful college carreer, we college grads have a huge advantage. I feel sympathy for the first generation college students because their path is much harder. Both my boys are attending Colorado School of Mines - a rigorous STEM university who accepts around 10% of applicants. Of the incoming freshmen around 15% are first generation college students. You dont get in a good school these days without that resume.

We knew when our kids started school what kind of academic performance would be required. And we also knew the importance of activities and community service. For us activities were sports (thankfully, Based on my preferences). We also knew that our kids would be better off being busy and that their circle of friends would likely be "better" if they were honors students. Our management of our kids carreers followed this model - do as much as you can and still get good grades.

And we did stay busy, mainly with the athletics. Turns out to be a pretty good strategy for grades too because of the eligibility requirements. And several of the sports offer a "study hall" period so the student athletes can get their homework done before practice. More time. But to your point, there were many times when mom went one way with one kid while I went another with the other. Thinking about it, we spent every friday/saturday from mid august thru april on the road somewhere so we could sit on a bench in a gym or stadium (we had a month off of travel in December but we were in full-on workout/diet mode for wrestling season*) for the last 10 years or so. Add to that the programs and presentations at the school and before you know it you are busy all the time. I cant even imagine how hard that would be for a single/working parent.

So for us it was 20 years of hard work all so we can get our kids in a good school so they can make a better life for themselves than we had. I think what you are seeing is what should be expected/required, just complicated by the divorced parents. I would like to think we took Sundays off but many times we were on the road or catching up on homework. I understand your point about family time, but I think that takes a back seat to the individual achievement OUR generation values and pays for.

So yesterday I dropped my baby bird Matt off in Golden. I feel good that we were able to help get him here and hope he makes good decisions out there on his own. However, I wish his mother and I had done just a little thinking about what we would do now.

*Matt was quite the entertaining wrestler. He qualified for the state tournament all four years and placed on the podium twice. He finished his high school carreer with a record of 130 wins and 45 losses (I can only think of one bout that I could not watch). Over 100 wins is considered a good carreer. This last year he wrestled 152 lb(tough hs weight class) and his record was 43-6 with 24 pins and 7 tech falls. He pretty much tore em up and dad loved every minute of it. I have no idea how I will fill my time now.

[Dave Grubb]

I understand the current popular argument which supports this---but I'm not sure I buy in.

I have a new CFO and I am still in the "discovery" phase. This week I asked him what sports he is interested and his children. He went on to tell me that his oldest daughter is 11 and she likes softball and in particular pitching and playing first base. He is now in search of a pitching coach---with the end game of building her resume for college.

Possibly because of my own experience, I can't embrace that. My "resume builder" was my DD 214 (Army separation form)---that and years of milking cows got me into an excellent engineering school

I think there has to be a more balanced way of growing up