For the golf crowd

[Dave Grubb]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands slowly and carefully inside. She then administered a tender and skillful massage for several long moments and softly asked 'How does that feel'?

Feels wonderful, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!

[Phillbo]

I would not have mentioned my thumb..... And then claimed she sexually abused me when she ran for public office

[TxMusky]

Bo you hit a homerun too.

[Phillbo]

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his parachute gear at his side.

She said: "What is your gear doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

[mgrist]

I was in a bowling tournament the day of my wedding, before the wedding. It didn't make me late for the wedding I didn't forget anything but I still never heard the end of it

[JackBackle]

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his parachute gear at his side.

She said: "What is your gear doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

I'm confused or am I suffering from double vision

[CactusCurt]

I'm confused or am I suffering from double vision

Yes and welcome aboard.

[CactusCurt]

I was in a bowling tournament the day of my wedding, before the wedding. It didn't make me late for the wedding I didn't forget anything but I still never heard the end of it

The dude abides

[Phillbo]

I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, "Do you have any criminal history?"

I said "No, is that still required?"

[Phillbo]

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.



The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gomer. 

The three men had always done everything together.

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Darryl said,"Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer
in to identify the body. Gomer looke d at the body and said, "Yup, he's
pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "no, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"


Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What" He had two assholes ? asked the mortician.

Yup, I've never seen 'em, but everyone knew he had two assholes.

Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with
them two assholes."